Doing right can be tiring

A few weeks ago, after a judge had overturned California's Proposition 8, I found myself in a Facebook debate with a guy from Alaska I didn't even know.

He had commented on how sad it was that the judge overturned what was the "will of the people." I pointed out had the "will of the people" been consulted in the 60s, that black people would still be sitting in the back of the bus.

He called my argument "lame."

I countered that judges are responsible for interpreting the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and it's not up to "the people" to decide who has rights or not, but the laws of our nation. I still don't get how that's lame.

I was somewhat relieved I didn't get a reply. Because by that time I was tired. Tired of defending, tired of bringing up reasonable points that fell on deaf ears, tired of trying.

That's what was lame. After a five-minute argument, I was exhausted. Then I thought of my family members and friends who live these arguments, both expressed and kept inside, for a lifetime, and can't begin to imagine how exhausted they are.

Aunt Diane - who was told by a priest not to take communion because she wasn't worthy.

Chad - who suffered through a painful marriage for five years because his family and society felt it was the right thing to do.

Mitch - who was told by his parents to leave and never come back.

Stevie - who was told by emergency department personnel that she couldn't be in the exam room with her partner of 20 years because she wasn't "family" - even though her partner had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.

A few people have asked me why I defend the rights of gay people. I think what they mean is since I'm not gay, why go through the trouble?

Here's the thing: If not me, then who? Saying that defending rights for gays is only the responsibility of gays is passing the buck. This is not just "their problem." If some of us don't have rights, then none of us are truly free.

So the discussion continues - even though it gets tiring. As it should.