What CenturyLink (unwittingly) taught me about excess

Labor Day weekend was gloriously rainy and gloomy, affording me the opportunity to be super productive, and by productive, I mean I was able to get through the entire Season 5 of "The Great British Baking Show." I'm not sorry, and I know you're jealous.

I woke Tuesday morning to a slight Netflix hangover (happy, but unfocused) and started my daily routine of checking the news and social media.

"Connected-No Internet" was the error message.

No problem. I headed downstairs and unplugged the router for a minute. I headed back up and re-logged in. Error message. Restarted my computer. Error message. Unplugged router again. Error message. Restarted. Error message. Unplugged DSL. Error message. You get the idea.

So I get on chat with CenturyLink where the helpful chatter advised me to do all of the aforementioned things. I wished him a good day and decided to get serious and called the support line directly. I was shocked to get an answer within a few minutes.

I explained to Rajeev what was going on, and he was super apologetic about my frustration and inconvenience (I felt a little guilty about that. No internet access falls squarely in the "first world problems" category.)

He walked through some testing on his end and said, "I'm sorry, Miss Karen - I'm thinking this is a wiring issue and we will need to have a technician visit your home. Will that be ok?"

"Sure," I said. "When were you thinking they might come?"

"My next available appointment for a home call is Friday at 9 a.m.," Rajeev said.

Friday. He did say Friday.

"Rajeev," I said - disbelief coming across in my voice (I am very expressive) - " ... do you mean to tell me I won't have any internet access until Friday?"

"I am so sorry, Miss Karen, but yes - that is the soonest I can send a technician." He went on to explain I will need to be home between 8:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. for my 9 a.m. appointment and that it could be free but if the technician comes in it's a minimum of $85 and no, there isn't a maximum he can share with me.

There's a whole lot wonky with that last part, but that has more to do with CenturyLink than Rajeev, so I let it go. I gave it one last chance.

"Rajeev," I said - "I thank you so much for explaining this to me, but are you sure Friday is the soonest someone can come? I don't know if I can be down that long." I tried to give the impression that I was an important person who had WORLD PEACE to solve and I was SO CLOSE and all I needed was internet action before Friday, but Rajeev was having nothing of it and probably knew that I was full of all sorts of you-know-what and just wanted internet access to watch Season 10 of Frasier even though I know what happened because I watched it 9 years ago and to post pithy remarks and cute pictures on Facebook whenever the mood grabbed me.

"Again, Miss Karen - I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, Rajeev," I relented. "I know you tried."

And I actually took time to do the survey to let them know Rajeev is awesome and needs a trophy for dealing every day with over-privileged Midwesterners who need their screen time, dammit. I'm sure he talks to a host of people every day who aren't very nice.

So here's what I'll tell you - we are on day 3 of no internet at the house and absolutely no one is dead.

I have gotten ready in record time the last three mornings because I wasn't dinking around on my iPad.

Pat and I actually had a conversation last night because I wasn't watching a random episode from Season 3 of New Girl.

I have slept well the past few nights because I haven't worried about the world news I reviewed before bed every time I woke up.

I am almost all the way through a book I have been trying to read because I didn't watch The Devil Wears Prada for the 19th time.

I constantly lament there just isn't enough time. That's not true at all. I just choose to spend my time doing stuff like that.

It's a trap.

What am I really missing here? Cat videos? Asinine television? Movies I know by heart? The same news story rehashed 100 different ways? What Meghan Markle wore today? (True confession: I love her. I love the entire Royal Family and want to be their friend, even Sarah Ferguson, but that's another post.)

I figured out over the last couple of days that media is one of the many ways I numb. I have spent a lot of time creating a narrative around what I need to survive. I have been hiding my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy behind busyness and work. When I crash and burn (and we always crash and burn), I have Jess, Frasier, Paul, Cam, CJ, Harrison, Hugh and Meryl to keep me company.

I'm pretty sure Rajeev had this figured out in less than five minutes, even from a call center in a galaxy far, far away.

There's a lot of life to be lived outside of the stupor, and it's up to me to find the right balance.

I'll keep you posted.