I don’t have a graduate this year, but I recognize this season both for what it is for graduates (you’re excited, but you’re on your last nerve and freaking out) and for the parents (you’re stressed, you’re terrified, you’re on your last nerve and freaking out.) Lots of lessons to be learned here, friends – but here are a few that come to mind.
For the seniors:
Take a breath.
It’s been a while since I have been in high school, but here are a few things I know:
- Other than my college application, no one asks me what my GPA was in high school. No one. Don’t phone it in, but let go of the idea that you have to get everything perfect at this stage of the game.
- Don’t be a jerk to your teachers. This time of year is hard on them, too.
- Take it easy on your mom. She’s struggling with a lot of issues that are playing out like they’re all about you cleaning your room or writing thank you notes, but they’re more about creating the illusion of control. She knows you’re on your way out and she’s struggling with that, so give her a break and let her give you the lingering hugs and feel all the feels. She loves you like you haven’t loved anything yet … you’ll understand that someday.
- Savor your last few weeks. You won’t ever have an experience like high school again. For many, that’s a good thing. But there’s a good chance you’ll remember and appreciate your teachers and your friends more than you ever imagined. High school is a community, and each community we are part of stays with us. Think about what this season of your life has taught you – both good and bad.
- Take stock of what’s happening in your life right now, but also take some time to think about what’s next. I don’t mean picking a job or a major or your courses … your next few years aren’t going to be so much what you’re going to do but how you’re going to become the person you want to be. That matters. Pay attention to what’s going on around you and think about the ways that you being uniquely you is being pulled to make the world around you better.
- Know you have people rooting for you. Many of them are asking what you’re doing next year, and I know you’re sick of responding. We’re sorry … we just love you and we care.
- Take good, good care of yourself.
For the parents:
Take a breath.
You're feeling tired, stressed and unappreciated. Everything you say to your senior is taken the wrong way and blown out of proportion. You're losing sleep over stuff like they're out of blue napkins at the Dollar Store, should I bite the bullet and buy a new love seat and how am I going to wrangle another graduation ticket. It's been a while since I have had a graduate, but here's what I know:
- Everyone who comes to your kid’s graduation party has eaten something someplace else. Don’t worry about how much food you have. I swear it’s a loaves and fishes thing, but that stuff works itself out.
- Your student is managing emotions they don’t understand and they’re taking it all out on you – the slammed doors, the eye rolls, the defiance, the raised voices. Try to cut them some slack. They don’t get the significance of this transition in their life, but they’re sensing it. That’s a lot to deal with, so pick your battles.
- Talk with your tribe about what’s going on with you. It’s ok to admit this is hard, because it is. We understand.
- Savor these last few weeks. Even though you’re meeting yourself coming and going, you’re doing laundry constantly, your front door feels like Black Friday with all the people going in and out of it, and you stood in Carharts under an umbrella at last week’s soccer game and skipped work, dinner and wine with your friends to go to the spring music concert, you will still grieve over no longer being the parent of a high school student. It’s more of your identity than you probably understand at this point.
- Your student isn’t your baby anymore, and that’s hard to come to grips with. But they’re also becoming adults – and it’s fun to get to know them in a different way as they’re starting to figure themselves out. They become a whole new level of interesting – and best of all, they figure out in a hurry you’re not the idiot they always figured you to be.
- Remember that growing is a process. They’re learning and they can, will and should make mistakes. Watching your kiddos stumble is not fun, and watching them fall is excruciating - but it’s necessary. Keep reminding them you’re there for them and let them go.
- Take good, good care of yourself.
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