It’s unusual for The Pants to get political.
I’m happy to engage in discussion, but I have
made a rule that it needs to be face-to-face. Why? Simply because the level of
debate in this country has sunk much faster than my standards, and I refuse to
engage in any exchange that narrows complex issues into a two-sentence meme, a context-free scripture passage, a
hurtful Facebook post or a news magazine sound byte.
The bad karma circulating during the past few weeks after
many headlining issues has
been mind-boggling. I have read comments that I would in my life never dream of
making anonymously, much less with a connection to my Facebook page.
My theory is that change scares people. When we're scared, we get defensive. When we get defensive, we seek out other people who are scared. When we find more scared people, we are part of a bigger, scared group. Our bigger, scared group has to blame someone for being scared, so we lump people who don't agree with us into another big, scary group. There's safety in numbers, so we're more comfortable putting stuff out there that isn't thought through very well. And some of it is just cruel.
My theory is that change scares people. When we're scared, we get defensive. When we get defensive, we seek out other people who are scared. When we find more scared people, we are part of a bigger, scared group. Our bigger, scared group has to blame someone for being scared, so we lump people who don't agree with us into another big, scary group. There's safety in numbers, so we're more comfortable putting stuff out there that isn't thought through very well. And some of it is just cruel.
Yet I also have been inspired during the past few weeks. My family just returned from a trip to Charleston, South Carolina, where we witnessed amazing support, unity and graciousness everywhere we looked in the wake of the Emmanuel AME murders.
Doug Baldwin, wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks, wrote a thoughtful and articulate response to those who feel compelled to defend flying the Confederate flag. As my husband said, if we were this civil with our discourse all the time, the world would be a better place.
Donna Red Wing, leader of One Iowa, a GLBT rights group and Bob Vander Plaats, head of The Family Leader, a group that derides same-sex marriage, have forged an unlikely friendship. Though their positions – and their views – are decidedly different, these two leaders are working to find a space where they can disagree agreeably - even lovingly. It was highlighted in a recent article in The Washington Post.
Donna Red Wing, leader of One Iowa, a GLBT rights group and Bob Vander Plaats, head of The Family Leader, a group that derides same-sex marriage, have forged an unlikely friendship. Though their positions – and their views – are decidedly different, these two leaders are working to find a space where they can disagree agreeably - even lovingly. It was highlighted in a recent article in The Washington Post.
Sesame Street used to have a bit called “People in your
neighborhood.” A mailman – a newscaster – a concert pianist – even a consumer
advocate (that’s when Ralph Nader visited Sesame Street) are all people in your
neighborhood – the people that you meet each day.
Digital culture has extended our neighborhood far beyond Sesame Street. Maybe the first step to disagreeing agreeably is to view everyone we encounter as a neighbor and sing the ditty to ourselves before we respond.
A veteran is a person in your neighborhood.
A GLBT person is a person in your neighborhood.
A GLBT person is a person in your neighborhood.
A teacher is a person in your neighborhood.
A pro-lifer is a person in your neighborhood.
An immigrant is a person in your neighborhood.
A fiscal conservative is a person in your neighborhood.
A friend of a Facebook friend is a person in your neighborhood.
Will my rhetoric hurt my friend? Will it hurt
my neighbor?
It’s fine to have an opinion. Sharing that opinion and advocating for it is A-OK. It's even ok to be scared and even angry, but we need to vigilant in our care not to generalize, and frame discussion in a
respectful manner. It also helps to do your homework. You don't have to look very far to find half-truths and outright lies. Check it out before you hit the "share" button. There are real people behind every issue, and it’s
impossible for them all to be complete a-holes all the time. Let's work a little harder to find common ground before we start demonizing people.
Elevating the level of debate in this country starts with us and how we choose to engage with the people that we meet each day.
Well said, my friend. There are many people whom I like and respect, and whose opinions I disagree with on almost every count. The discourse, when respectful, enriches us all. Most of what I see online is not respectful and drags our whole society down.
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